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For many of us, asking for help was never modeled. Maybe you learned to be the strong one, the reliable one, the one who never needs anything. Maybe speaking up felt risky in rooms where your voice wasn’t welcomed. Those lessons made sense. They may not serve you now.

DBT offers a simple guide for asking clearly and respectfully called DEAR MAN: Describe the situation, Express how you feel, Assert what you need, Reinforce why it matters, stay Mindful of your goal, Appear confident, and Negotiate when needed.

This week’s practice: Pick one small, low-stakes request, like asking a partner to handle dinner or a coworker to take one task. Write it out using the first four steps (Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce) before you say it.

Your Reflection

Take a few quiet minutes with these questions.

1What did you learn growing up about asking for help?

2What is one small request you could make this week, and who would you ask?

3Write it out with DEAR MAN: Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce.

4After you asked, or thought about asking, what did you notice in yourself?

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🔒 Your answers stay private on this device. They are never sent to Duality Within or anyone else.

This reflection is not a substitute for therapy. If you are in crisis, call or text 988.

Your needs are not a burden. Asking is an act of self-respect.